The first type of limiting thoughts we entertain are general thoughts about the world. For example, someone might say: “I don’t like or trust business leaders. Their only goal is to make money off the backs of their employees.” Another person might say: “In any case, all politicians are liars and thieves!” or “Investing in the stock market is too risky. It’s impossible to really make money that way.”

These kinds of thoughts can become deeply ingrained and significantly influence your actions. However, they don’t always reflect reality and are not entirely true, even if they might sometimes seem so. You need to learn to challenge them. Otherwise, they can inhibit your freedom and your ability to take action.

The second type of limiting thoughts are those about others. Sometimes we make assumptions about other people without ever taking the time to speak with them and understand what they really think. For example, you send a message to someone and don’t get a response after two days. Instead of following up, you think, “I believe they’re mad at me; that’s probably why they’re not responding.”

Or you’re interested in a woman and want to get to know her, but you tell yourself, “A woman like her could never be interested in a man like me.” Most of the time, thoughts about others are often false, but unfortunately, we let them influence us negatively, potentially missing countless opportunities because of them!

The third and final type of limiting thoughts are those about ourselves. These are the hardest and most dangerous because they often lead us into a threefold trap:

• Generalization: From one single incident, you start imagining broad consequences and assume all similar experiences will inevitably yield the same result. For example, you fail to successfully complete a work project and now think you’re untrustworthy, to the point where you feel incapable of handling projects even outside your professional sphere.
• Selectivity: You focus so much on the details that you neglect everything else. Your manager gives you feedback on your latest report, and you take it so personally that you believe they have a personal grudge against you—even though last week, they praised you and even invited you to lunch for your excellent work on another project.
• Arbitrariness: You draw absolute and negative conclusions about situations without any proof. For example, as the vice president of your neighborhood association, you hear by chance about a meeting you weren’t invited to. You immediately think the other members want to oust you and that someone else is eyeing your position.

To escape this threefold trap, you must learn to differentiate, reflect, and find less definitive interpretations. You also need to separate who you are from your results. Don’t identify yourself solely with your actions or failures. For instance, singing off-key or playing a wrong note doesn’t necessarily make you a bad singer or musician. Similarly, failing an exam doesn’t mean you’re a failure as a person.

HOW TO OVERCOME YOUR LIMITING THOUGHTS?

When limiting thoughts are deeply embedded in a person’s life, they create what are called automatic thoughts. These are internal dialogues a person has with themselves without reflection. These thoughts arise at different moments: before taking action, during the action, and after the action.

This inner monologue reflects the person’s anxieties, desires, opinions, convictions, and judgments. It varies depending on the moment, situation, mood, state of mind, and personality of the individual.

For instance, early in the morning, if your landline rings and wakes you up, and there’s silence on the other end, you might think in one of three ways:

• “Someone dialed the wrong number” (neutral thought)
• “Burglars were checking if I’m home” (pessimistic thought)
• “Great! I woke up earlier! I can work on my business project before heading to work” (optimistic thought).

These thoughts will trigger various reactions: indifference if your thought is neutral, anxiety if pessimistic, and satisfaction if optimistic. When you lack self-confidence, you tend to have fewer neutral or optimistic thoughts and more pessimistic or negative ones. This significantly influences your actions and behaviors. That’s why building self-confidence is essential for achieving your goals with peace of mind. Otherwise, you will react similarly when you face challenges in pursuing your objectives.

Automatic thoughts are just the visible side or the superficial layer of your personal system for interpreting situations. In reality, your neutral, pessimistic, and optimistic reflections are rooted in your belief system, which is the hidden side or the deep system that has always shaped your behavior, actions, reactions, and judgments.

Your belief system has been constructed since childhood. It stems from the values instilled in you by your parents through upbringing, the cultural environment in which you grew up, and the influences of authority figures throughout your life. All these elements have shaped how you see yourself, others, the world, and life in general.

Here are four major steps to rid yourself of limiting thoughts:

1. Become aware of your automatic thoughts: This is the fundamental step because you cannot change a situation you’re unaware of. This involves assessing the intensity of your emotional reactions and belief in your automatic thoughts. These can range from very strong to very weak.Example: Caroline’s goal is to find a new job. After a job interview that went relatively well, the recruiter pointed out a minor inconsistency in her CV. She left the interview anxious and crying, immediately thinking she would be rejected for the position due to that small CV mistake. Her emotional reaction and belief in this automatic thought of failure were very strong.
2. Modify your automatic thoughts by transforming them into more realistic and positive ones: Learn to nuance your automatic thoughts by adding details. Often, we mix up facts with interpretations and translate events too subjectively. Consider alternative interpretations to verify whether your thoughts are the only valid ones. Ask yourself, “How would someone else in my place react?”
3. Question and soften your personal beliefs: Recognize that your beliefs guide your actions, often unconsciously. Reflect on whether your beliefs are overly rigid, their pros and cons, and the consequences of modifying them.
4. Adapt and revise outdated beliefs: Life changes, and so should the “contracts” we have with ourselves. What was meaningful 10, 15, or 5 years ago may no longer apply today.

This text is an extract from the book “THIS YEAR I ACHIEVE MY GOALS!” written by Henri M. Missola. 

We invite you to read the following article “I DEVELOP MY CLARITY“.