Each of us has our own destiny. If something worked out for you on a particular path, that doesn’t mean it will be the same path for everyone. There is no single route to success for everyone. Each person must carry their own gear to live out their destiny.

To each their destiny! I had chosen to face my life, my destiny. Looking at my life, taking stock of it all, I felt a rising sense of betrayal. A surge of anger mixed with hatred was growing inside me—towards Aunt Amy. I blamed her for all my misfortunes in this foreign country. She had misled me in my administrative procedures, only to then abandon me. She had turned her back on me. And it hurt deeply.

During this troubled time, I received a lot of advice from all directions—advice that did not match my state of mind: a sham marriage to change my immigration status, getting pregnant by a man with a stable situation… But I wholeheartedly believed in a solution that would bring me perfect joy, one that wouldn’t provoke contradiction.

“Not all advice is good advice.”

No matter how difficult the circumstances, I had decided not to give in to the pressure. I was born into a family with Christian values, and I shared those values, even though I didn’t yet know my identity in Christ.

And during that entire period, I had also stopped going to church. I no longer knew who I was—I was going through a terrible identity crisis. I was in total confusion! I felt an emptiness inside that no one could understand or fill. Yet it is written in Hebrews 4:12:

“For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”

At that moment, I truly needed a word like that—one that could divide my soul from my spirit, and clarify everything. As for my administrative case, it was a stalemate. I had received no concrete response from the immigration office following my new attempt at regularization.

In October 2017, I received yet another notice of refusal. I was completely discouraged. Around the same time, I learned that Kana’s partner—the one he had been seeing all along while seeing me—had arrived in Belgium.

Even though I was no longer in that relationship, I felt bitterness and resentment. That news brought the past back to life—I kept going over it again and again. So much patience, so many sacrifices, so much hope invested in that cursed relationship… and now it had all been in vain. I had so many questions, I was lost. I was totally confused, I felt betrayed by everyone. I felt like everyone was mocking me.

Even though I had kicked Kana out of my life, I was in deep melancholy—like a delayed depression. I kept replaying all the lies he had carefully crafted and told to anyone willing to listen to his side of the story. He had been so fake, and I now realized just how much of a blessing it is to be a genuine person in this world. I was hurting deeply. I fell into deep regret: “If only I had known…”

It was a time when I cried a lot. My tears flowed like an open faucet that wouldn’t stop. I truly felt pain. It’s since that time that I’ve learned to respect other people’s pain, no matter the degree—because pain, whether small or great, hurts. That’s when I learned not to judge others’ pain or minimize their tears.

I felt like my bones had been crushed inside me, as if nothing was in its right place anymore. Nothing in my life was standing upright. I felt an urgent need to cling to God—because holding on to any human couldn’t help me carry the weight of my pain.

That’s when I cried out to God for help. I begged Him for His help and support because I just couldn’t take it anymore. I felt like I was already dead—I didn’t know what to do with my life. I couldn’t find a reason for my existence. I asked for death.

At the time, I rarely read the Bible, and when I did, it was slow and often without understanding. In October 2017, I discovered the “KAYHIL Women’s Conference.” It wasn’t by chance—God was clearly reaching out to me. It was surely one of His answers to my desperate prayers. I connected to the conference online via YouTube. The theme of the conference was: “It is the wise woman who builds.” This was a new concept to me.

In my circle, it was common to think that women shouldn’t read the Bible—that the Bible wasn’t for women. But I saw women with many responsibilities preaching the word of God with great anointing. I had never imagined women speaking like that in front of a crowd. It was new—and deeply inspiring.

As I listened, I told myself that if they could read and understand the Bible despite their busy lives, then so could I. Everything said during that conference felt like it was meant for me. I came away encouraged, determined to fight. That conference was the starting point of my determined Bible reading.

But the pain was still too strong. I had reached my limit. The best way out was to surrender myself into God’s hands. And that was a good beginning!

In my thirst for more, I discovered a book by Pastor Éric Célérier titled “Divine Connections,” which greatly uplifted me. I began paying attention to every potential connection God might send me. In my search for God, I also came across the Christian channel EMCI TV, where I began listening to various teachings.

Strangely, I felt like every single message I heard was personally directed at me. I realized my thirst was growing deeper and stronger. The more time I spent in God’s word, the more I longed for real transformation in my life.

Around that time, a friend came to visit and encouraged me with these words:

“I know it’s hard for you right now, and no one can truly feel what you’re experiencing inside. But know this: this didn’t happen to you for nothing. One day, you’ll laugh about it, because you’ll be happy—in your life and with the man God has for you. You’ll get married, and you’ll have children. I too was once broken, in a foreign land, with no one to support me. I cried like never before. But God’s grace sustained me, and today, I’m married and happy. So if you need to cry, cry—but don’t cry your whole life. Cry to release the pain, then wipe your tears and keep moving forward.”

After that, we prayed together…

“Nothing makes us greater or stronger than deep pain.” Madeleine Chapsal, Dare to Write

Still, inner peace had not fully blossomed in me. But I allowed myself to be immersed in God’s word because I was determined to experience true change. I believe everything God allows in our lives has a purpose. He orchestrates it all.

I am convinced that the teachings I listened to were not by my own doing, but were directed by the Holy Spirit to instruct me. At that time, I must admit—I didn’t even know who the Holy Spirit was. Mercy!

Even as I still struggled with pain, one day I listened to a sermon by Pastor Mohammed Sanogo titled “The 4 Major Forms of Attacks from the Evil One.” What I understood was that a major attack from the enemy is an information that distorts your image, destroys your identity, pulls you away from your true path—an information that makes you question your values. It’s a revelation without vision, carrying destructive power.

Everything in that sermon rang true—it was my story. I saw the parallels with what I had lived through. Could it be that Kana himself had been used by the devil to hurt me? The thought gave me chills.

Through what I went through, I now understand why many can’t bear deep betrayal and end their lives. They can’t handle the pain.
YOU MUST RESIST!

This text is an excerpt from the book “AND I FORGAVE!” written by Stasia Bobette BIONGO.

We invite you to read the next article: “COMPARISON: A COMPLEX THAT HARMS SELF-ESTEEM.”

A DESTINY. A DESTINY. A DESTINY.