You’ll know that you are in urgent need of help if you are someone who easily and consciously hurts others, or always wishes for those around you to be hurt in the exact same way that you were. It becomes concerning when you find yourself, whether consciously or unconsciously, wanting those around you to go through the same situations that once wounded you. The Bible gives us several examples of this, including that of Lamech. Let’s read what is said about him in Genesis 4:23:

“Lamech said to his wives: Adah and Zillah, listen to my voice; wives of Lamech, hear my words: I have killed a man for wounding me, a young man for injuring me.”
Do you hear that?

Lamech proudly tells his wives that he killed a man for wounding him and a young man for injuring him. There are wounds that, if not healed, will eventually lead you to hurt others — and often even those who have never wronged you.

Another example can be found in Genesis 34, a story that is heartbreaking not only for Dinah but for her entire family. One day, when Dinah, the daughter of Jacob,

“went out to visit the women of the land, she was seen by Shechem, who took her, lay with her, and violated her.” (Gen. 34:1-2)

This dishonor deeply affected her whole family, even though Shechem acknowledged his wrongdoing and, along with all the other men of the land, agreed to be circumcised as requested by Jacob’s sons. And while they had accepted this painful price out of love, two of Jacob’s sons (Simeon and Levi), taking advantage of their vulnerable state, each took a sword, entered the city, and killed all the males who, unaware of the plot, believed they were safe.

After killing them, they looted their wealth and took it as spoil. This grieved their father Jacob deeply — so much so that, before his death, when blessing his sons, he said of Simeon and Levi:

“Their swords are weapons of violence. Let me not enter their council, let me not join their assembly, for they have killed men in their anger and hamstrung oxen as they pleased.” (Genesis 49:5-6)

Dinah’s dishonor sparked a rage which, left unaddressed, led to the murder of many — including, tragically, innocent people.

Another example is that of Absalom, who decided to avenge the abuse of his sister Tamar. She had been raped by her half-brother Amnon. The Bible states that Absalom kept this in his heart for two years (2 Samuel 13:23), after which he plotted and executed Amnon’s murder, carefully ensuring everything went as planned. As the saying goes, failing to plan is planning to fail — but Absalom’s plan did not fail. And when news of Amnon’s death reached King David and devastated him, he eventually learned that:

“…this was Absalom’s expressed intention ever since the day Amnon dishonored his sister Tamar.” (2 Samuel 13:32)

Two full years spent conceiving and giving birth to murder, simply because no healing had taken place during all that time. This again proves that time alone does not heal wounds. Even after much time has passed, without God’s intervention and healing, the harmful effects of a wound will inevitably show up.

Have you heard of David’s imprecatory prayer — David, the man after God’s own heart? Before coming back to that, we must realize that many today want to apply the contents of that prayer without considering that it was offered by a man who was not yet regenerated and was, above all, overwhelmed by the pain of soul wounds. No one under the old covenant ever experienced regeneration. As 1 Peter 1:3 says:

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to His great mercy, He has caused us to be born again into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.”

Regeneration was only made possible through the new covenant, which was inaugurated by the death and resurrection of Christ. The Old Testament should not be confused with the old covenant, for while the Old Testament ends in Malachi, the old covenant ends with the death and resurrection of Christ.

Back to David’s prayer against his enemies, he says in Psalm 109:3-15:

“They encircle me with words of hatred, and attack me without cause. In return for my love they accuse me, but I give myself to prayer. They repay me evil for good, and hatred for my love. Appoint someone evil to oppose my enemy; let an accuser stand at his right hand. When he is tried, let him be found guilty, and may his prayers condemn him. May his days be few; may another take his place of leadership. May his children be fatherless and his wife a widow. May his children wander about and beg, seeking food far from their ruined homes. May a creditor seize all he has; may strangers plunder the fruits of his labor. Let no one show him kindness; let no one have pity on his fatherless children. May his descendants be cut off, their names blotted out from the next generation. May the iniquity of his fathers be remembered before the Lord; may the sin of his mother never be blotted out. May their sins always remain before the Lord, that He may blot out their name from the earth.”

The source of this prayer, as David himself reveals at the beginning of this long passage, is a wounded heart — a heart hurt by those to whom he had shown love but who repaid him with evil. As a result, he resorts to imprecatory prayer. How many times have we also chosen prayer (or even prayer retreats) over healing? Choosing prayer driven by vengeance instead of prayer born from a quest for healing.

One of the signs that your heart has truly been healed is found in the kinds of prayers you offer for the people who, at one time or another, were the source of your wounds. To what extent are your prayers shaped by your healing?

Through all these examples, one thing becomes clear: an unhealed wounded person is potentially capable of creating a chain reaction of wounds. They can easily transmit their pain to others or hurt others — who may then go on to reproduce the same pattern. That is why, if she remains unhealed, a wife hurt by her husband might end up hurting her children. Likewise, an employer hurt at home by his wife might, perhaps unconsciously, vent his wounds on his employees. These wounded employees might then wound their coworkers or, once home, hurt their own family members. It all begins with one wounded person who, if not healed, initiates a chain of wounds.

Nic Ulmi reveals that inner wounds possess a power of transmission — much like an inheritance or a contagion — such that if they are not treated, they can spread from person to person and sometimes even from generation to generation.

If you don’t heal from your wounds today, you risk bleeding tomorrow on people who were never the cause of your pain. And what’s more, when a wounded person hurts others, it often happens in a disproportionate way. As we saw in the biblical examples: Lamech killed two people — one for a wound and one for a bruise — while Simeon and Levi slaughtered all the males in an entire city to avenge their sister’s dishonor.

Absalom also killed his half-brother for incest. If we compare what was done to them with what they in turn did to others, the response is grossly disproportionate. And that’s exactly how it often plays out…

This text is an excerpt from the book “Healing Inner Wounds” written by Rémy BISAGA.

We invite you to read the following article: “PRENATAL INNER WOUNDS.”

A WOUNDED PERSON WOUNDS OTHERS