It was in deep silence that my husband and I returned home that Saturday around midday. We were, to say the least, stunned. Each of us needed some personal time to process this incongruity.

I gently asked the Father to help me, to speak to me, to reassure me, to tell me that He was still on my side, to say something I could understand. I knew the anguish of grief, and God had saved me from it a few years earlier. I didn’t want grief just for grief’s sake. I firmly believed that God loved me enough not to punish me for nothing.

There had to be something in this situation that I needed to grasp. I laid myself bare before God, hiding none of my thoughts from Him since the day I took that positive test. I told Him how I had understood the situation, what I expected, what I hoped for, what I believed. I told Him I didn’t believe in such a situation for His own children—those He promised to protect. I told Him I knew He wasn’t a liar, and I knew He had plans for peace and not for harm for us. And I asked Him to help me understand, to see clearly. I was not about to sulk or accuse or fight against God.

From experience, I knew that wouldn’t do me any good in the end. Not only did I need Him to comfort me, but I also trusted His love enough to believe He would help me and give me the good I needed. I cried out for help; only He could speak to my heart and protect me from myself.

When I humbled myself like that and surrendered to the Comforter—who, without further explanation, seemed to be the very one afflicting me—things gradually became clearer. It was as if a veil was lifted and my heart began to recognize that:

• God is the author of life. He takes no pleasure in death, which is, in fact, the absence of life.
• God created and equipped me so that I could give life, and He delights in my fertility.
• That my body would expel death is as unnatural as the sun casting out darkness. My body is made to give life.
• However small it may seem, life is an extremely PRECIOUS gift from God. It is like a piece of Himself that He gives us generously. And it deserves to be received with gratitude and reverence.

There is a thief who prowls around whose goal is to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). It is my responsibility to protect all that is mine, both great and small, by hiding them in God. If I don’t do that, I leave an opening for the thief. Yet I hadn’t secured the fruit of my womb—I had taken for granted that God would do it for me. And yet He gave me free will to come to Him with what belongs to me…

This text is an excerpt from the book “I DREAMED OF GIVING BIRTH IN PEACE” written by Linda KOUCHOU.

We invite you to read the following article: “CHOICE OF ATTITUDE“.

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