I was a Christian, but I had no personal relationship with God. In fact, if I had truly known Him, it’s clear I wouldn’t have chosen to live through certain things—starting with my relationship with Kana.

One day, I came across a sermon by a well-known pastor who was talking about “The Spouse of Destiny.” I was deeply struck, as if I had just realized what was really going on in my own life. And to think I believed Kana was my spouse of destiny! From that teaching, my eyes began to open. Something was shifting within me.

Up to that point, I had prejudices against so-called men of God. The rumors about them had kept me from the truths they carried—truths that could have set me free from my darkness. From that moment on, I chose to judge their messages based on what I personally received, not on the opinions of those who didn’t understand my pain. “It’s over!”

After that sermon, I kept repeating to myself: “It’s over!” I had made the decision to leave my toxic relationship with Kana, which had ultimately been nothing but seduction, control, manipulation, and pain. He clearly wasn’t God’s plan for me.

I had consulted a psychiatrist online and explained my situation, telling him I was in a relationship with a man I suspected was a manipulative narcissist. I confessed that I was struggling to admit it to myself and that it was disturbing me deeply. I told him I was ready to leave, but the hold he had on me was so strong that I couldn’t.

The psychiatrist offered me a personality test to help determine whether I was truly dealing with a narcissistic manipulator. The results were clear: I was.

At the same time, I began participating in online forums with other victims of narcissistic abuse. These women were experiencing the same things I was, receiving the same treatment. That’s when I realized I wasn’t alone. There were many of us.

The psychiatrist strongly advised me to leave the relationship. He said I needed to be strong and courageous, firm in my words, and not to back down on my decision.

From that group therapy experience, I would tell anyone who is a victim of a narcissistic manipulator: don’t make the mistake of patiently waiting for a change in behavior or for some sudden emotional breakthrough on their part. Don’t try to find excuses or explanations for their actions, or believe that any of it is your fault. The only solution is to leave!

I had been living in a kind of imaginary world where no one could see, believe, or understand what I was going through. As the psychiatrist had advised, I needed to be courageous and stay firm in my words. So I imagined the confrontation scenario in my head. I couldn’t let myself be fooled by his smooth talk—he was persuasive and could easily throw me off.

I had to tell him exactly what I thought of him. I had to speak with boldness, even if it hurt his ego. I could no longer be afraid of making him angry, like I used to. Even if fear gripped me inside, I had to stand my ground.

The confrontation was a real test for me. Kana was quite shocked that I stood up to him. So he switched from anger to gentle manipulation. He tried to make me believe that I couldn’t live without him, that I needed him. But I already knew these tactics—I had learned about them in the forum. That’s how these men operate when they feel threatened, when their prey is slipping away.

But I stood firm. I had FINALLY left!

This text is an excerpt from the book “AND I FORGAVE!” written by Stasia Bobette BIONGO.

We invite you to read the next article: “A DESTINY IS TIED TO AN IDENTITY.”

MAKE A DECISION. MAKE A DECISION.