People, in general, do not change their character—unless they are visited by the Holy Spirit. And even then, sometimes after receiving the baptism of the Holy Spirit, certain character traits remain stubborn. You can try to drive out someone’s nature, but it comes galloping back! When a man is already 21 years old and a woman 18, there are character traits that may never change.

If he/she loved to talk a lot before meeting you, after marriage, he/she will still be talkative. If he/she loved to gossip before meeting you, after marriage, he/she will still be a gossip. If she did not respect your authority before meeting you, after marriage, she will struggle to submit to your authority. If he saw you as an object of pleasure before meeting you, and not as his other half or a suitable helper, after marriage, he will struggle to see you as his equal. Don’t be surprised if he treats you like a housemaid or even a prostitute!

If he/she had a tendency to lie to you or deceive you before meeting you, after marriage, he/she will likely continue to lie or deceive. If he/she used to visit witch doctors and fetish priests before meeting you, after marriage, he/she will likely continue doing so. If he/she was a Christian but was thirsty for knowledge, power, and spiritual force before meeting you, there’s a high chance that after marriage he/she might become involved in the occult, Rosicrucianism, Freemasonry, etc.

That is why you must pay close attention to character. You must make sure that your partner is truly saved. One of the signs of genuine salvation—which includes receiving the gifts and fruits of the Holy Spirit—is a radical change in character. Keep the person at a distance until you see real change. If after several months or even years nothing has changed, let them go and continue praying for their salvation.

Here are the nine (9) fruits of the Spirit: love (1), joy (2), peace (3), patience (4), kindness (5), goodness (6), faithfulness (7), gentleness (8), and self-control (9) (Galatians 5:22).

Examine each of these fruits thoroughly, starting with yourself, before you assess your partner. My mother never changed her character in several decades of marriage. My father has remained the same since he met my mother. Today, they live separated. It’s been over a decade already. Their marriage did not have the right foundation. It was built on lies.

And when you are blinded by eros love, sex, and sexual immorality, you fail to see the incompatibility of character. Even if your parents warned you, you still said: “Dad, Mom, I love him/her—end of story!” Be careful with your choice!

This text is an excerpt from the book “How to Know Who to Marry? For Young Singles” written by Jean-Paul Marie (Pastor Samuel Binyou).

We invite you to read the following article: “Marriage and Continence or Self-Control.”