God has always been clear when it comes to our relationships: not to be yoked together with unbelievers. When God commanded the people of Israel not to marry foreigners, it was to protect them from other gods. To keep their intimacy with Him intact and prevent it from being polluted by false gods and idols.

Unfortunately, Solomon could not adhere to this command and decided to marry foreign women. The result was that Solomon turned away from God and followed the gods of his wives. This provoked God’s anger, leading Him to remove Solomon from his throne over the ten tribes of Israel.

However, by His promise to David, God graciously allowed Solomon to continue reigning over the remaining two tribes. Although the Bible does not directly detail Solomon’s fate after this story, it is likely that Solomon did not inherit God’s salvation, as it is not clearly mentioned that he repented for his actions.

Today, we are not much different from Solomon. We try to maintain relationships with non-believers, who do not yet know the Lord, even though we know it is not God’s will for us. Of course, there are exceptions, but exceptions only confirm the rule.

It is true that there are non-Christian men who are quite attractive. They have good looks, charm, and great intelligence. Men who do not know God are not necessarily barbarians without any human morality. I must even acknowledge that some non-believing men are much more disciplined than some believers.

Because their ancestors instilled good values in them, they naturally exhibit a kind and gentle demeanor. This can become a danger for weaker souls. One may think there is nothing wrong with dating them, that it’s not so bad after all. After all, he is a good person, and he loves me dearly.

The problem with some Christian women today often stems from this mindset. They believe they are wiser and smarter than God. They think God may be too strict on this subject and that maybe things will work out with a little compromise.

Dating a non-believer may then seem like a sensible act, hoping to eventually convert them to Christ. Convinced that it is the right thing to do and that, after all, it is God’s will for every soul to give their life to Jesus, they embark on a mission to change the person at any cost, putting immense pressure on them continually.

The myth of wanting to “change a man”

Many Christian women do not realize that it is not their role to play the savior of a man. Let me be more explicit: we live in a society where women are somehow expected to be the ones who initiate change in a man’s bad behavior, and for a woman, this is considered a source of pride.

That is why many women suffer around the world today, because they have chosen to get involved with a man whose true nature they could clearly see from the beginning. But, hoping to change him over time, and to flatter their egos, they decided to stay.

Unfortunately, their partners did not change, and they now live in an endless nightmare. So, who is to blame? This mindset has deeply infiltrated Christian women. They are convinced that it is their responsibility to make sure their men switch sides and give their lives to the Lord, through fervent prayers and numerous tactics. But what does the Word say about this?

First, we must understand that only the Holy Spirit has the power to change an individual. When the Holy Spirit acts, He touches our hearts, changes our perceptions, and thus our behavior. He touches our souls. It is not about covering up a man’s behavior by forcing him to read the Bible or live a life of sanctification that he barely understands. No, it is about uprooting the bad root and replacing it with a new root of life.

“For the word of God is alive and active, sharper than any double-edged sword” (Hebrews 4:12).

Only God has the ability to replace the root, and merely tending to the leaves and fruits of a tree will not change its nature. A bitter mango tree will never produce sweet mangoes, no matter how much water and care it receives. The same applies to human nature. No matter the care, attention, or strategies we employ to influence the person in question, if it does not come from the Holy Spirit, you can be sure your efforts will be in vain.

Moreover, an evangelistic mission should never be driven by personal interests but should primarily aim at the expansion of God’s Kingdom. So, what eventually happens? After long debates and arguments, they give in. Over time, they realize the man in question will never change. And since they are already “deeply in love” with the man and fear he might go elsewhere, they choose to compromise their bodies with their partners.

A non-believer: A different kingdom

A person who does not know the Lord belongs to another nature, another tribe. It would be truly burdensome to force them to live a life they do not understand simply because we want them to become the person we dream of them being.

We cannot blame a non-believer for asking us to have sexual relations before marriage. He is only staying true to his own nature. Allow me to state the obvious: we cannot expect to change a man, preach the Gospel to him, and lead him to Christ while engaging in sexual relations with him.

If we ourselves are not faithful to our own principles, how can we hope for his conversion? If the Lord we preach all day long is not even capable of helping us stand firm against the sin we condemn, can we expect the man in question to be curious to know the One we trust?

Let’s be clear: a bit of fornication here and a bit of the Word of God there is by no means the best strategy…

This text is an excerpt from the book “DARE TO PRESERVE YOURSELF” written by Gaetri Violette IAVIZARA.

We invite you to read the following article, “THE VALUE OF SANCTIFICATION“.

NON-BELIEVER