Why forgiveness is the final step. Healing a wound takes time. The events that often cause it date back years, especially in the case of the wound of rejection. Honestly, it was only by understanding what lay behind the wound of rejection that I allowed myself to forgive, in order to forgive the people involved. But the biggest part was my responsibility to engage in this process. We all know that forgiveness is easier to demand than to grant. But it is liberating.

There is another method I eventually adapted depending on the situations where I experience rejection: it’s the “grey rock” method developed by the American psychologist, W. Keith Campbell. The image of a stone is significant; it is immobile and it also absorbs shocks without being shaken itself. This requires resilience, leniency, and a certain maturity because, in reality, when experiencing rejection, the natural tendency is to retaliate.

The grey rock strategy aims to dissolve any tendency towards conflict. This is often interpreted as cowardice or weakness, but on the contrary, it proves to be salutary. It is part of a peaceful approach. Any manifestation of rejection simply does not call for a reaction, at the risk of exacerbating the context in which it occurs. So far, I have learned that trials make one wise and mature. And from experience, I have realized that there is no worse blind person than the one who refuses to see.

I have learned to conduct micro-assessments when confronted with situations of rejection, whether I am at fault or not. This allows for perspective and distance. You need to understand that healing is a long process that initially involves exchange and listening. I understood this when I was in therapy. During the dark periods I went through, I needed to confide, but due to various experiences that pushed me into isolation, out of fear of others’ judgment and especially shame, I couldn’t open myself to any option because I was unable to welcome them healthily due to a lack of maturity. I was too hurt.

It was only after hitting rock bottom that certain options manifested themselves more thoughtfully. They gradually led me on the path to my healing. Does this mean one necessarily has to hit rock bottom to achieve it? I speak from my own experience, so this is only my perspective and it will certainly not be the case for everyone. In any case, my helpful advice is, let’s not wait until we hit rock bottom. Verbalize your pain.

One means of expression that we tend to suppress is tears. My advice, do not suppress them. You are made of flesh, blood, and water… Release the waste waters! My approach, through these few chapters, is among other things, based on the benevolent mission to help you free yourself from the “bonds” that strangle your soul and suffocate your destiny…

This text is an excerpt from the book “UNSHAKABLE! Breaking and Healing from the Destructive Patterns of the Wound of Rejection” written by Jennifer SYLAIRE.

We invite you to read the following article “THE COMPLEX MECHANISMS BEHIND REJECTION”.

Forgiving Oneself. Forgiving Oneself. Forgiving Oneself.

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