Emotional distress can have incalculable consequences. This fundamental quest for love manifests in life through a frantic pursuit of other emotional sources. These emotional deficiencies lead to compensatory or, more accurately, substitution mechanisms. We will outline these consequences in general terms, but also provide a differentiation of the crisis according to gender:

An Emotional Illusion

(Narcissism and Passionate Love) To compensate for a lack of emotional solidarity, many people seek pleasure by creating dependencies on alcohol, binge eating, drug addiction, sex, etc. Indeed, drunkenness and debauchery are often the result of emotional deficiencies.

Someone even sang this in Lingala: “muasi aboya nga, kasi kopo ya masanga te,” which translates to, “a woman may break up with me, but the beer glass will always be there.” Isn’t it an illusion to substitute a relationship with pleasure, a person with an object, a woman/a man with a beer glass?

Bars and dance clubs are filled with people desperately trying to drown their love crises in alcohol, but they fail. They create a sort of “emotional illusion” to console themselves. Some express it through excessive desires to “shine” and “crush” others, plunging into schemes, the pursuit of power to impose on others, through position or power, the respect and consideration they should have received through love.

Others “victimize” themselves to attract compassion and pity through emotional blackmail, hysteria, suicide attempts, etc. Some go beyond their means to provide service in hopes of receiving attention and thanks.

Therefore, evaluate the deep motivations behind your actions and remove any form of “emotional illusion,” replacing it with the pure and true love of God, available to anyone who seeks Him…

This text is an excerpt from the book When Love is in Crisis written by Dr. Max Kudianana.

We invite you to read the following article: “Differences in Conflict Management“.