…

Lisa Awalé was lying naked on the bed. Next to her, her boyfriend Roland had his eyes glued to his phone. They had just made love. After a while, Lisa had stopped counting—and stopped feeling guilty. After the conversation she had had with the old motorcycle-taxi driver, she had wanted to end things with Roland. But once again, she had lacked the strength.

At this point, it was no longer about love—it was some kind of dependency. She felt that if she stopped sleeping with her boyfriend, she wouldn’t be able to handle it. And she didn’t want to lose him. Roland wasn’t a brute. He was a caring guy, full of affection and so tender… He had never done anything bad to her. She couldn’t just stop seeing him overnight, could she?

Lisa looked at her boyfriend, who had his back to her. She had come over a little earlier in the afternoon because he had told her he missed her. And what was bound to happen, happened. As usual. Was Lisa any happier now? Not really. But how could she break free from this spiral? She felt like she had no way out. And now, she was convinced that God no longer wanted anything to do with her. What was the point of fighting? What was the point?

Sometime after her conversation with the old motorcycle-taxi driver, she had received a call from her mother, who asked if everything was okay. Lisa did her best to reassure her. Her mother gave her some advice. She wanted to pass the phone to Lisa’s father, but Lisa declined, using a delayed class as an excuse. She wasn’t in the mood to talk to him. Especially not now.

It was 5:30 p.m., and the sun was beginning to retreat into its den. Roland had installed a dim light in his bedroom. It created quite a sensual atmosphere. Lisa got out of bed and silently went into the shower. Her boyfriend didn’t pay attention to her. She stayed in there a long time before finally coming out. She got dressed in silence. When she was done, she gestured to Roland.

— “What’s wrong?” he asked, surprised. “You’re already leaving? I thought you were going to spend the night with me.”
— “I don’t really feel like it.”

Roland sighed. He knew what this was about.

— “You regret sleeping with me again, don’t you?”

Lisa shrugged without answering. She continued packing her things.

— “I don’t get it,” said Roland. “Why? Why do things always have to feel weird between us after we’ve had a good time, Lisie? It’s starting to get exhausting.”
— “I really don’t want to talk, Roland,” Lisa replied wearily. “I’m tired. I want to go home. Can you take me back?”

Roland reluctantly got up and got dressed too. He was confused. He didn’t understand.

— “You know I love you, right?” he asked.

Lisa gave him an impassive look.

— “I’m suffering, Roland. Do you know how much pain I feel in my soul after those few minutes of pleasure each time? I’ve spent countless sleepless nights thinking about it. I can’t go on living like this. I was taught values at home. Despite everything, I wanted to have my own experiences. Now, I feel far from God and I feel empty. I’m lost. I can’t take this life anymore, Roland. I just can’t. I have to stop.”

With those words, she stood up, grabbed the last of her things, and left the room. Roland tried to catch up with her.

— “Wait, Lisa! What are you saying?”

She didn’t turn around. She walked out of the bedroom and then out of the house. Tears streamed down her cheeks. Lisa Awalé hailed a motorcycle-taxi and climbed on the back. She didn’t go straight home. Roland could show up there, and she would probably give in like always. So she asked the driver to drop her off at the main public square in the city of Goléta. The taxi driver took her there.

Goléta Square was the city’s first major public square. It was very well developed. The mayor had seen his town gain notoriety in just a few years with the construction of the UST in the region. Many young people from all over the world were settling in Goléta to pursue their studies.

To keep up the momentum, the municipality had raised funds to develop the public space and build another one a bit further in the city center. The aim was to provide comfort for students and also attract new businesses.

Goléta’s main public square featured a garden covered in grass watered daily by an automatic system. There were urban furnishings painted green and blue. A statue had been erected in the center of the square. It depicted a woman with a baby on her back and a jar on her head. No one really knew what it was supposed to mean.

This Tuesday evening, there weren’t many people around. Lisa saw an empty seat and sat down. She really needed to pause her life for a while. She took her phone out of her bag and put it on airplane mode. Finally alone, she thought…

This text is an excerpt from the book “SENTINELLES: PREMIER TOUR DE GARDE” written by Charles SANDAH.

We invite you to read the next article: “The Mermaid.”

LIGHT ON THE PATH. LIGHT ON THE PATH. LIGHT ON THE PATH. LIGHT ON THE PATH.