Emotional or sentimental self-control is crucial to strengthening your relationship project. Let’s be brief on this matter. If before marriage, you’ve started touching, fondling, even if you haven’t committed fornication, it is still adultery. Because Jesus Himself warns you:

“Anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.“ (Matthew 5:27-28)

I know young couples preparing for marriage who, when they go on retreat, stay in separate rooms. I once lived in a country where if a young woman visits your home without being your wife, she risks six months in prison. In that same country where lovers are not allowed to kiss in public, hotel rooms are only available to couples who present a wedding ring or a marriage certificate. But the Christian does not need the police.

The one who lives by the Spirit is above the law. So show that you are above the law—control yourself, crucify your flesh. Because sex can and must wait. If before marriage, you are unable to go three months, six months, twelve months—or even two, three, or six years (or more)—without sexual relations, you won’t be able to hold yourself when your spouse is away on a mission! Train yourself now so you don’t find yourself saying later: “Darling, I’m sorry. Forgive me, I don’t know how it happened!”

The devil prowls like a thief to lie, steal, destroy, and devour. You must pass several self-control tests. Do not stay alone together in the dark at inappropriate times. Don’t let your fiancée sleep in your bed with you, even if “you’re strong enough.” If she comes to visit and must spend the night at your place, let her sleep at your mother’s or your sister’s. And during the day, keep your distance.

In some churches, it is not even allowed to tell a girl that you love her. Everything goes through disciple-makers or spiritual mentors. These are very commendable practices. Avoid seducing each other—it is impurity. If you’re facing several suitors, subject them to the test of self-control. If he agrees to respect your body before marriage, he has a strong foundation to remain faithful after marriage. The same goes for a man and his potential brides.

The man or woman who does not respect your body is behaving like a wild animal—train him, train her! If the intemperate partner refuses to comply, walk away from him or her. Because he/she doesn’t love you—he/she just desires you. The one who truly loves also knows how to wait.

An adulterer is impatient. The faithful man or woman is endowed with sound patience. Beware of fake patience!

This text is an excerpt from the book “How to Know Whom to Marry? For Young Singles” written by Jean-Paul Marie (Pastor Samuel Binyou).

We invite you to read the next article: “THE CONVENTIONAL WEAPON OF PRAYER.”