PREMATURE EJACULATION.
In this context, we also need to consider premature ejaculation. Approximately 20% of husbands today face the issue of premature ejaculation. This is very frustrating for a woman, as it is impossible to make love without an erect penis, and after ejaculation, a man’s penis becomes too soft to maintain the necessary pressure on the vaginal walls and clitoris to enable his wife to reach orgasm.
One inconsolable bride exclaimed, “On our wedding night, he aroused me and began to penetrate my vagina, but as soon as his penis touched me, he ejaculated.” He was, of course, embarrassed, and his wife was frustrated. They tried again an hour later, and he did a bit better, but due to his inexperience, he climaxed again before she could reach satisfaction. She eventually admitted, “In the nine months of our marriage, we’ve made love more than a hundred times, but I am still not a fulfilled woman.”
A part of his problem was fear. The more he feared, the more premature the ejaculation was likely to occur. A couple must recognize this as a significant issue that will not disappear naturally. It needs to be resolved through learning, and the time spent on this learning process is well worth it.
Many frustrated and unsympathetic wives have turned to ridicule or indifference towards their “quick” husbands, which only increases his natural sense of masculine inadequacy to the detriment of a good relationship. A perceptive wife will understand that her husband is ashamed of this lack of self-control and will work with him to find a solution.
In the next chapter, we will address this issue in detail, even offering several methods to overcome it. But here, we will mention only one method, advocated by Masters and Johnson. They suggest that the wife and husband spend time alone for what they call “squeeze exercises.” The wife should caress her husband’s genitals until his penis becomes erect.
Then, by moving her hand up and down the shaft and gently on the glans (head of the penis), he will quickly start to feel the urge to ejaculate (the husband must keep the wife informed of his progress). By holding the penis with her thumb on the underside and her two fingers on either side of the ridge that separates the head from the shaft, she should press her thumb and fingers together with firm pressure for three or four seconds as soon as he signals that he is about to ejaculate.
She then waits fifteen to thirty seconds for his tension to diminish before repeating the light, stimulating up-and-down movements on the penis. When he signals he is about to ejaculate, she again applies the squeezing technique for three or four seconds to prevent ejaculation. This process should be repeated for fifteen to twenty minutes or more. If the husband accidentally ejaculates, the couple should wait forty-five minutes to an hour before resuming the exercises.
Once they achieve a certain degree of control, the wife should straddle her husband as he lies down and insert his penis into her vagina without moving until he becomes accustomed to the new sensation. Sometimes it is necessary to remain still for two minutes. This will give the husband better control.
Next, the wife should move up and down very gently, bringing her husband close to orgasm. When he signals he is nearing ejaculation, she should lift herself and repeat the squeeze technique for three or four seconds. Once the sensation subsides, she should reinsert his penis into her vagina and repeat the procedure. With a lot of patience, a wife can help her husband learn the control that will be a source of great satisfaction for both.
For the husband, this will be the satisfaction of mastering an important aspect of inadequacy; for the wife, it will mean his controlled delay allows her to reach orgasm.
Though at first glance this exercise may seem shocking to some wives, they should recognize that premature ejaculation is a painful problem for both husband and wife, and it will not improve on its own. A loving wife will realize it’s worth the investment of a week’s vacation or two or three weekends alone in a motel.
Three to fifteen experiences of this kind are usually enough to teach a husband to control his ejaculation. A couple will benefit from this investment for many years, enriching their intimate relationship. Learning takes time. A husband and wife will find this learning experience enjoyable and worthwhile.
7. Fatigue
All normal bodily functions are weakened when a person is tired. A tired woman is not likely to be a loving and receptive wife, which reduces the chances of orgasmic fulfillment.
For this reason, sexual intercourse should be reserved for times when both husband and wife are rested; and for this same reason, sexual relations should be spontaneous. A wife should greet her husband at the door with a warm message, a kiss that predicts the future. Through tender words and caresses, they can sustain a lively romantic mood all evening, which becomes an exciting prelude to love if they don’t go to bed too late.
Since opposites tend to attract, I have observed that couples often have opposite metabolisms (the process by which energy is provided to the body). Early risers, whose peak hours are from 6 a.m. to 8 p.m., often marry night owls, whose peak hours extend from 10 a.m. to midnight. As a result, a night-owl husband may find himself revved up at 10:30 p.m. only to discover that his wife, who was affectionate at 7 p.m., is sound asleep or, worse, half-asleep and unable to fully respond.
Two things can help balance this metabolic imbalance. One suggestion is for the early-rising husband to take a nap as soon as he gets home from work so he feels refreshed by bedtime; the early-rising wife can learn to nap around 3 or 3:30 p.m. when the children are young, and earlier when they’re in school. Years ago, I learned the secret of a twenty-minute nap lying on the floor with my feet on the bed to allow blood flow back to my head.
Many people have asked me, “How can you preach five times on Sunday after losing three hours of sleep returning from a seminar where you spoke for eight hours on Friday night and Saturday?” My answer is the twenty-minute nap on Sunday afternoon, with my feet elevated, which for me equals two to three hours of nighttime sleep lying in bed…
This text is an excerpt from the book The Act of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love, written by Tim and Beverly LaHaye.
We invite you to read the following article: “The Impotent Man.“
PREMATURE EJACULATION
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