When communication has been broken or never truly existed, it is important to establish a healthy foundation by fostering respectful and compassionate dialogue—reciprocally.

As a mother, you have the power to transform your daughters’ lives. Speak to them with love and encouragement, showing them that they deserve the best. Teach them that they are capable of overcoming any challenge and achieving their dreams. Every word you say, every gesture you make, can be a source of inspiration and strength for them.

We must show them that despite our own scars, healing and happiness are always possible; that even in the darkest moments, there is light at the end of the tunnel; that our failures will not be theirs but will instead serve as stepping stones in their lives.

To all mothers, be the role model you wish to see in your daughters. Together, we can build a world where every girl grows up knowing she is loved, respected, and capable of achieving anything. The power to change their destiny is within you—use it with love and wisdom.

It is not easy, but where we have fallen, we can pray that those who come after us will not experience the same trials. However, before that, we must first heal from our own painful pasts, so that the advice we pass down is not motivated and driven by fear.

Every word, every piece of advice, every look you share with your daughter leaves a deep imprint. Strive to equip her with the tools to build her own vision of love and relationships, free from the burden of your own disappointments and pains. Encourage her to believe in respectful love, to trust her own convictions, and to value herself.

Also, encourage her to believe in her dreams, in her potential, to discover her path, and to thrive in it. We all have scars, but healing is possible, and we can transform our wounds into wisdom. Pray for your own healing and for the strength to pass down a legacy of love and resilience.

I invite you to open the door of communication with your now-adult daughter; a communication that is fluid and free from bitterness, one that seeks to mend past mistakes by shedding light on what was missing and taking the necessary actions to correct it. Yes, perhaps while she was growing up, the relationship was conflict-ridden, and maybe you fell short in some areas. It is important to acknowledge what was lacking, to ask for forgiveness, and to correct what can be corrected in order to start anew.

To all the women who have a complicated or conflicted relationship with their mothers, I encourage you to fight for the improvement of this relationship. First, because the Bible promises us a long life if we honor our parents. Second, because we do not want to repeat this dysfunctional cycle with our own children. So, we will do what it takes. Spiritually, we will close the door to these patterns repeating in our lives by deciding to forgive our mothers.

We must also make an effort to consider the circumstances they were in at the time. This is when we can have deep conversations where our mothers share their journeys and histories. Maybe we already know their stories, but hearing them again with the ears and understanding of an adult woman will certainly be different.

We will then begin to understand the mitigating circumstances. We will develop empathy and understanding where before there was only judgment and condemnation. Learning about her life, her upbringing, her childhood, and her experiences will help us better understand her journey and how and why she became who she is.

From there, we will choose to see our mother from a perspective that allows us to continue honoring and blessing her. Depending on her willingness to engage in a process of restoration and healing, certain things can be put in place, and certain boundaries may need to be drawn to prevent getting stuck in toxic patterns. As your heart opens and your desire is to bless her, the Lord will guide your steps and give you the wisdom specific to your situation.

For my part, until adolescence, I preferred my father’s company over my mother’s. I found my mother to be strict, and I had more affinity with my father, who did not seem to have as many expectations of me.
He took me to soccer games, and we could accompany him when he visited his friends. This allowed us to play with other children our age from those families.

I could sit with my father and watch the news without him asking if my room was tidy. He ate my cooking without too many expectations regarding taste and quality. In contrast, I felt that my mother demanded too many unpleasant things for the teenager I was.

She wanted me to clean my room, to be home at a certain time, to avoid bad company, and to cook well. She insisted that I stay clean, be polite when guests visited or when we met people outside. It was important to her that I could do the dishes and housework and that I knew proper table manners.

As a teenager, I thought her expectations were excessive, but as an adult, I now understand that they were the bare minimum. My mother was simply doing her job—educating me. She did it well, and I misunderstood.

You see, when I was seventeen, my father passed away. My mother was my only remaining parent. I remember making the decision at that moment that, for this reason, I would take care of her. I was not going to be robbed twice! There was no way I would have a parent with whom I did not have a close and special relationship. So, I resolved to apply all the advice I mentioned earlier.

I started to see my mother as a woman, not just as my mother. I realized that she had a personality, dreams, aspirations, a past, and other facets beyond being the one responsible for providing for me.

At seventeen, I decided to bless her and not be a source of sorrow for her. I chose to honor her with my words, my actions, and my thoughts. We began to talk much more, to share, and she became one of my best friends. As an adult, I fully understood that her expectations of me were normal—basic, even.

Thanks to her, I am the woman I am today, and the education she gave me has been invaluable. I am grateful for all the values instilled in me and the good domestic habits I learned.

I must say that I am privileged because my mother is an extraordinary woman. She is loving and generous. She is not intrusive and is very helpful. She is open-minded and conciliatory. Not all mothers are like this, and I am aware of that.

However, as a daughter, I encourage you to do everything in your power to improve your complicated relationship with your mother. If your mother has passed away, even posthumously, you can choose to forgive her and bless her.

To do this, various options are available to you. If your relationship with your mother was conflicted during her lifetime, you may find it difficult to honor her now that she is gone. However, I am convinced that if you ask the Holy Spirit for guidance, He will direct your actions.

In any case, you can honor her by remembering the good things she did.
Search your memories for the good moments, no matter how small. An afternoon when she let you accompany her shopping, a good meal she cooked, an ice cream she bought you on a hot day, a time when she took the time to play or talk with you. As you focus on what she did well, you will think less and less about what was lacking.

Once you have taken this step, start speaking well of her to those around you. Perhaps they were used to hearing only negative memories from you—or even silence about her. Speaking well of her will allow you to honor her in the eyes of others, as well as your own.

If your relationship with your mother was difficult, and due to abuse or mistreatment, you struggle with this exercise, do not despair! Rest in God, pour out your heart and struggles to Him, and He will heal and guide you.

Whatever the case, with a positive and loving heart, you will break the cycle of dysfunctional relationships and establish a new model when you become a mother in turn…

This text is an excerpt from the book “I AM LIKE HER” written by Nadine Kabuya.

We invite you to read the next article: “PRAYER FOR YOU WHO HAVE A DREAM LYING DORMANT WITHIN YOU“.

REINTRODUCING COMMUNICATION. REINTRODUCING COMMUNICATION. REINTRODUCING COMMUNICATION.

REINTRODUCING COMMUNICATION. REINTRODUCING COMMUNICATION. REINTRODUCING COMMUNICATION.