4th Sign: Selfishness

In general, a bitter person is so obsessed with themselves that they forget about others. They are narcissistic, constantly putting themselves first without considering the damage they cause to those around them. They are focused solely on their own needs and problems.

5th Sign: Anger

A major characteristic of bitterness is anger. A bitter person always feels threatened and naturally lashes out. They are offensive. It takes very little for them to lose their temper. I was often told that I was quick-tempered. My hypersensitivity made me very irritable.

6th Sign: Loneliness

Bitterness drives us away from people because the aura it emits is toxic. Typically, a bitter person is introverted. They enjoy solitude; it’s an opportunity to hide their bad intentions and possibly to hatch evil plans. They retreat into silence.

Loneliness then becomes a comfort zone. They rely on no one but themselves. They refuse any outstretched hand, feeling comfortable in their pain and solitude. I myself tended to withdraw into extreme loneliness. I saw this solitude as a means of security, a way to protect myself from potential future hurt. But deep down, I lived in fear of rejection.

7th Sign: Violence

A bitter person is violent both verbally and physically. All the violence they harbor within manifests outwardly, leading to impulsiveness and insolence. Since childhood, I was aggressive. I was insolent towards my parents and teachers. I couldn’t stand authority. At school or in the streets, I was constantly fighting. I often thought about my father’s absence, which fueled a rage within me that I sought to release.

So, I would hit as if my father were standing in front of me. I felt no pity. I rejoiced in seeing blood flow. It was my way of venting. Sometimes, when I got angry, I would punch walls.

During my teenage years, along with a childhood friend, I founded a gang called M.A.F (African Mafia). We were a gang of young boys terrorizing the streets of Brussels. This gang became like my second family, a substitute for what I lacked at home. It was a remedy for all my childhood wounds. But this gang marked the beginning of my downfall.

I descended into delinquency, delighting in exploiting all the violence within me. I provoked fights and settled scores. Even my friends said I was too brutal. In the end, most of us ended up incarcerated, sentenced to years in prison for various charges: criminal conspiracy, violent robbery, gang rape, murder, attempted murder, and drug trafficking.

8th Sign: Hatred

My experiences have made me realize that bitterness consumes love and breeds hatred. A bitter person is incapable of loving, forgiving, empathizing, or trusting. They have no affection for anyone. Their heart is filled with bitterness, and as a result, they are devoid of empathy. They love no one but themselves.

This is a kind of narcissistic perversion and a matter of egocentrism. They also cannot stand hearing the name of the person who wronged them because it revives painful memories. When bitterness expands, love contracts.

9th Sign: The Accuser

Another trait I’d like to highlight is that a bitter person tends to blame others. They are always accusing everyone else. In their mind, there’s always someone else responsible for their problems. They are unable to take responsibility, so they shift the blame to others and never see their own faults. The person blames others for the harm that was done and does not examine their own mistakes.

A bitter person never forgets the wrong done to them. They hold a grudge against the one who offended them. This resentment manifests in various ways and turns the person into a true slanderer.

Imaginary conversations are also a particular trait. I think we are all familiar with this. Often when we hold resentment against someone, it’s like there’s a voice inside us. A voice that perhaps incites us to insult the person who offended us. We replay conversations we’ve had or wish we had with that person and imagine what we would have liked to say at that moment.

Sometimes we start talking to ourselves, and some even think we’re crazy when they see this. This has happened to me many times. In fact, I would think back to a conflict I had with someone and express out loud what I would have liked to say.

People who saw me at that moment thought I was crazy because they saw me talking and gesturing to myself…

This text is an excerpt from the book “Bitterness Killed Me, Forgiveness Brought Me Life” written by Josué WANYA.

We invite you to read the following article, “Bitterness Blocks Potential.“