Karen, a charming twenty-nine-year-old mother of three, came for counseling. She was visibly upset:

“Pastor, I really love my husband, but lately, I’ve noticed that my resentment towards him is becoming more intense. If nothing changes soon, I’m going to end up hating him!” Even though she struggled to express it, she eventually admitted that the problem concerned their love life. “He’s the only one who gets satisfaction! I’ve always considered myself a loving woman and have rarely refused to make love to him; but just when I’m really excited, he comes inside me, and that’s it. He rolls over to his side of the bed and falls asleep deeply – and that’s when I get angry! It takes me over an hour to relax enough and fall asleep. He says I must be frigid.”

Karen was anything but “frigid.” Like many other dissatisfied wives, she knew very little about sexuality, and most of her information was incorrect. Unfortunately, her husband, Jeff, knew even less than she did. Without having received premarital counseling and limiting their sexual education to contraception, these two young Christians had married with the naïve idea that their love was so strong that “everything would just happen naturally.” This may be true for pregnancy but certainly not for female orgasm. With a little guidance and encouragement, she had become a new woman in two months.

During my years as a pastor, I held premarital counseling sessions with each couple before the wedding ceremony. After celebrating nearly 450 weddings preceded by such sessions, I am convinced that even in our time, when sexuality is well established, many young people marry with roughly the same sexual ignorance as Karen and Jeff.

When I discuss the sexual act with each potential couple for an hour, I am amazed to find that few of them have heard of the most fundamental principles concerning the relationship between husband and wife. Many women marry with the assurance that their future husbands know all these principles, but this is rarely the case. As we have already seen, most young men are filled with sexual information, but most of it is incorrect.

In fact, their ignorance largely contributes to their wife’s frustration and is a cause of many marital disagreements. But if ignorance is the root of the major problem, it can be solved through appropriate information as long as both partners are willing to confront the issue.

The strangest paradox in the realm of sexuality is the widespread idea that a woman’s orgasmic capacity is inferior to a man’s, when in reality, it may even be superior. It is equally difficult to understand why such a pleasurable and exciting experience has been hidden from so many women while their male counterparts have almost all tasted the pleasure of ejaculation. No research or tradition suggests that male orgasmic capacity has ever been questioned in any culture.

Yet, the tragedy of female sexual frustration spreads across almost every tribe and people, leaving literally billions of married women sexually dissatisfied. Fortunately, there is no longer any reason to perpetuate this hoax on potentially half of the world’s population.

Many fanciful ideas attempt to explain why this dilemma has arisen, while it is totally unnecessary. It is true that a woman’s orgasm is not essential for reproduction, while a man’s ejaculation is necessary for the continuation of the race, but both need the psychological satisfaction that orgasm brings to marital relationships. Many have blamed religion; others have criticized culture.

In fact, no one really knows why such a one-sided fraud could be so universally accepted for centuries. Even Masters and Johnson admitted: “Neither the totem, nor the taboo, nor the religious attribution seems to fully explain the strength with which female orgasmic experience is often denied as a natural psychophysiological response.”

Thanks to the dissemination of scientific information based on thorough research into sexuality, most women are no longer willing to settle for a second-rate experience when they can move on to an ecstatic one. We must admit that some research methods would shock the modesty of many people, and Christians in particular would frown upon the moral decay of hiring prostitutes or using electrical manipulators equipped with recording devices; but whatever the methods, the facts are the facts. We accept the law of gravity not because it was discovered by a Christian but because it is true.

Today, we know more than ever about women’s sexual capacities, functions, and reactions. Some will use this data to flout the divine principles that govern respect for the sacredness of the marital act at their own risk, of course but a wise Christian couple will use these facts to better understand how their own bodies work and, therefore, enhance their mutual pleasure.

This chapter openly addresses several intimate aspects of female sexuality that some may consider controversial. We hope this information will prove useful to those who are sexually frustrated or who regularly settle for a second-rate experience. If you are offended by intimate honesty, you might prefer to skip these pages. However, burying your head in the sand has never helped anyone, not even the ostrich…

This text is an excerpt from the book “THE MARRIAGE ACT: THE BEAUTY OF SEXUAL LOVE” written by Tim and Beverly Lahaye.

We invite you to read the following article “GUILT CONSCIOUSNESS.”

THE DISSATISFIED WOMAN. THE DISSATISFIED WOMAN. THE DISSATISFIED WOMAN. THE DISSATISFIED WOMAN.

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