A war-wounded person sometimes feels ashamed of their scars. They hide behind masks to appear strong. They fear being judged and showing their true selves: whole, sensitive, generous beings who only want to be loved and to love in return for who they really are. A war-wounded person who doesn’t heal their wounds is a danger to themselves and their future romantic relationships.

In other words, a person who doesn’t heal their wounds becomes a torturer without realizing it… These invisible emotional wounds, often uncontrollable, imposed, and not revealed out of modesty or shame, are the most destructive and silent. It’s incredible how much they can denature us. Miss Thalia experienced all of them at one point. When the scars of her traumas manifest outwardly, it results in a list of atypical behaviors and attitudes.

1 – She has an increased desire for revenge.

When a war-wounded person takes control of themselves, sometimes the deep motivations driving them are very negative. They made promises to themselves that they swore to keep: “I will never cry for a man again, I will never suffer or beg a man again, I will never let myself be humiliated like that again, I will never love as I once did, besides isn’t it said that a woman is made to respect a man and a man to love his woman?”

Love is for romantic movies and naive people; I’m stronger now, etc. Because of what she has experienced or what her mother or sister has experienced, she has unconsciously developed a hatred for the male gender. After a painful emotional shock, the time for tears gives way to two choices: to get up or to wallow in complaints.

Obviously, in most cases, the war-wounded person will choose to get up but for the wrong reasons: a deep desire to prove their worth in the eyes of others rather than to themselves. Thus, her achievements and healing have an ultimate goal: to show her ex that she can succeed without him. She develops a feeling of superiority and victory over others, especially her ex.

Very often, this can be seen as healthy competition. But here, the focus is on others and not on her inner self first. Another aspect is the very pronounced desire for revenge, especially when the wounds have been inflicted on us. This desire is so strong that it becomes the driving force behind our efforts to recover.

2 – Her ability to imagine the worst is heightened.

Sometimes she has lived in the past a toxic relationship with a violent partner, a rape, or any dramatic situation of the kind. She has a tendency to imagine the worst, which is very developed. While many might imagine a positive scenario, she is always imagining the negative; she has only known this in the past, and it is difficult for her to envisage another way of thinking. What happened with Paul, if Peter has a few similar traits, she can describe the scenario of what will happen as if it had already happened, alas! (…)

This text is an excerpt from the book “Collection of a War Wounded!” written by Suzanne KWEDI.

We invite you to read the next article “What if it was the right one…”.