Fortunately for women, men and cultures are evolving! A generation ago, it was reported that many men appeared to be selfish lovers, and society contributed to their image as “males” who were seen as animals in the bedroom.

The sexual pleasure given by a small woman was considered their divine right, and their relationships were generally one-sided, leaving an affectionate wife with the frustrated feeling of having been used, not loved. These men were (and some still are) sexually illiterate, unable to understand a woman’s emotional or physical needs.

Assuming he had the gift of intuitive knowledge in this area, a man would take his innocent young wife to their love nest and only teach her what she needed to know to satisfy his sexual desire. It’s no wonder that many wives began to lose the desire for sexual relations, and that sex became a chore.

Worse still, some frustrated wives became preachers of frigidity towards sex. As a result, young brides conscientiously entered marriage with the warning that household duties, motherhood, and a good reputation were wonderful, but that the only downside of marriage was the “bedroom scene.” The modern Christian husband has been challenged by God’s Word and his pastor, who says:

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church… Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies” (Ephesians 5:25, 28).

Thus, today’s Christian man marries with a greater sensitivity to his wife’s need for love and a deeper concern for her satisfaction. He respects her as a special creation of God, one to be accepted and understood. Over the past decade, several books on marriage have very frankly addressed the topic, enabling men to better understand women.

Unless a man keeps his head in the sand, he can learn a lot about her. And the more he knows about her, the more he can tailor his affectionate passions to her emotional needs. A wise man once said, “Woman is the most complex creature on earth.” No reasonable man would claim to fully understand her.

However, after dealing with hundreds of these delicate creatures in the intimacy of a counseling office, my wife and I have discovered to a greater extent what the marriage act means to a woman. Every man can benefit from reading this chapter; the more a husband knows about his wife’s erotic needs and what the marriage act truly means to her, the more he and his wife can enjoy each other, not only physically but in all other areas of life.

Let’s consider these five important areas that illustrate what making love means to a woman:

1. She fulfills her femininity.

The psychology of self-image is popular today. Every bookstore offers several self-help books, many of which are bestsellers. We Christians may not agree with all of their humanistic conclusions, but we certainly can’t deny the important truth that lasting happiness is impossible until we learn to accept ourselves. This is especially true for a married woman.

If she feels she isn’t successful in bed, she will struggle to fully accept her femininity. It’s not surprising that nearly all future brides feel insecure when they marry. Between the ages of 18 and 25, few people are secure. It often takes a third to half of a lifetime to accept oneself.

Naturally, being a Spirit-filled Christian contributes to a healthy self-image, but marriage is one of the most important decisions a person can make in life; therefore, any normal person will approach it with some apprehension. If a large part of marital life proves unsatisfactory, it complicates self-image.

It’s no coincidence that we’ve yet to counsel a woman with a healthy self-image who has no sexual desire. One way to understand the function of the female mind is to compare it to the male thinking system. Man has been given the mandate by God to provide for the family’s needs.

Therefore, his mental psyche is oriented so that he derives much of his self-image from successful professional activities. This is why men’s goals and dreams often take a professional turn from an early age. Ask a young boy what he wants to be when he grows up, and he’ll usually answer that he wants to be a firefighter, police officer, doctor, baseball player, or jet pilot. Though he changes this goal several times as he grows, it reflects his professional psyche.

Ask a little girl what she wants to be when she grows up, and she’ll generally answer “mother” or “homemaker.” In adulthood, even after thorough professional training, many women still consider the homemaker role as their primary professional goal.

During a family life seminar in Jackson, Mississippi, I was interviewed by a young journalist. It took me only a moment to detect her hostility, born from the humiliation of having to interview a pastor. Most newspapers assign young reporters to the religious section, as in her case.

Clearly, she would have preferred to be assigned to someone “important.” Accepting her hostility as a challenge, I decided to break through her veneer of professionalism by asking her the question I’ve posed to dozens of people during my travels around the country. I had previously learned that she was a journalism student at university, determined to be the “best journalist in the state.”

I also discovered that due to an unfortunate love affair at the age of twenty-two, she “hated” men…

This text is an excerpt from the book The Act of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love written by Tim and Beverly LaHaye.

We invite you to read the following article: “Preparing for Love.”

Physical Love. Physical Love. Physical Love. Physical Love.