The Powerless Man.
Recovering after surgery in a renowned medical research center, a doctor sat in the office of a colleague from medical school, who was now the head of the hospital. He asked, “Do you think medical issues are increasing these days?” Without hesitation, his friend replied:
“Yes. Male impotence! Hardly a day goes by without a man walking in, worriedly exclaiming, ‘Doctor, I’m afraid I’m becoming impotent.’ I’ve seen many break down in tears.”
This book would not be complete without a close examination of the growing problem of impotence. After 40, the most crucial sexual organ for a man is his brain. The size of his genitalia has nothing to do with his sexual abilities, but what he thinks of himself does. If he sees himself as masculine and capable, he is. If he views himself as inadequate, he is. The old adage, “You are what you think,” is especially true regarding a man’s sexual abilities.
I first encountered male impotence after a lecture in a family life seminar titled “Physical Adaptation in Marriage.” A forty-eight-year-old husband asked if I thought there was hope for a man who had been impotent for eight years. Inwardly groaning at this needless tragedy, I asked his wife how she had reacted. He replied, “She learned to live with it.” What a shame! Ignorance had deprived both of them of many experiences with King Lovema.
What are the causes of male impotence?
It’s difficult to pinpoint a single cause of male impotence, as it usually results from a combination of factors. Whatever the cause, it’s a source of intense emotional torment for any man. This problem deserves close examination, as an overwhelming number of cases can be cured if both husband and wife are willing to work on it. The first step to curing this condition is to understand its most common causes.
- Loss of Vital Energy
Few professional footballers remain active past forty, and most of them actually quit the sport in their early or mid-thirties. Bones become more fragile, muscles take longer to heal, and youthful vigor begins to fade. Of course, these men don’t cease to be men; most move into other professions and lead productive lives.
Similarly, a man suffering from impotence due to a loss of vital energy shouldn’t view his condition as a form of castration. Just because he no longer feels the same intense sexual drive in his late forties or fifties as he did in his twenties doesn’t mean he’s “sexually exhausted.”
Certainly, by his forties or fifties, he may not need sexual intercourse as frequently as in his twenties, his penis might not stay as rigid as it used to, and it might sometimes malfunction. But this by no means suggests that he’s finished. In fact, with the appropriate help and understanding of a loving wife, he can experience some of the most satisfying sexual experiences of his life.
- Anger, Bitterness, and Resentment
For years, I’ve asked impotent men the same question: is there someone in your life you dislike? A thirty-year-old airline pilot came in and, after several embarrassed attempts to discuss his issue, blurted out, “I’m impotent!”
Looking at this handsome specimen of humanity, built like an athlete, I found it hard to believe. When I asked, “How’s it going between you and your mother?” he replied gruffly, “Do we have to talk about her?” “Since you put it that way, we’d better,” I responded. He told me about “that witch” posing as his mother. Humanly speaking, he had every right to feel that way, for if she were guilty of even half of what he accused her of, she must have been a demon. Only when this young man got on his knees and confessed his bitter hatred toward his mother was he able to function normally with his wife.
Somehow, this hatred is unconsciously transferred from the mother to the wife, completely suppressing normal libido. Impotence is the high price paid for such bitterness.
Dominating mothers aren’t the only ones who can induce impotence through hatred; a boss, a neighbor, a father, and of course a wife can trigger the same reaction. Such sinful thoughts and emotions will not only stifle a man’s natural libido, depriving him and his wife of many thrilling expressions of love, but also keep him in a spiritually stunted state throughout his life. Our Lord said:
“For if you forgive men their sins, your heavenly Father will also forgive you” (Matthew 6:14).
Dealing spiritually with extreme bitterness is the only effective therapy we know. Someone wisely said: “Love or perish.”
- Fear
Men are rarely what they seem confident, in control, and virile. Behind this facade often lurks the fear of becoming impotent. As we’ve already mentioned, a man’s ego is closely tied to his libido. Some men have become impotent due to the fear of being unable to satisfy their wife. This is why a wise woman makes every effort to let her husband know how much she appreciates his lovemaking.
Researchers in this field almost invariably report that fear of castration is a universal problem among men. Most men think about it only fleetingly, but for some, it becomes a phobia. Since it lies in every man’s subconscious, one understands why the first malfunction in their forties is exaggerated and leads to further impotence problems.
Once this fear of failure grips a man, it’s very difficult for him to shake it off. However, through prayer, education, and affectionate care, it can be dispelled. Just as a piece of metal falling on a high-tension line can short-circuit the normal flow of electricity, fear can short-circuit a man’s libido.
When a rigid, throbbing penis suddenly goes soft for no apparent reason, the brain can likely be blamed. Fear has struck again! Despite his bravado and the “sexually wise” image he likes to project, a man is regularly haunted by five major sexual fears:
(a) The Fear of Rejection
Depending on his temperament and past reactions from his wife to his advances, a man often approaches his wife with a deep fear of being rejected. Naturally, there are times when she’s genuinely “too tired” or “not feeling well tonight,” but it’s important that she’s very honest.
If her husband is a sensitive man, she should take care to convince him that the issue lies with her, not with him, lest his subconscious fear of rejection lead him to interpret her refusal as indicating she doesn’t find him sexually stimulating.
(b) The Fear of Being Unable to Satisfy His Wife
Recent studies indicate that a man is deeply frustrated when his wife isn’t satisfied in the marital act. This also seems to threaten his masculinity. A wise woman will share her pleasure with her husband verbally and through other subtle means.
(c) The Fear of Being Compared to Other Men
This fundamental male fear should never be an issue for Christians since the Bible clearly teaches virtue and chastity before marriage. If you’ve violated this standard or have been married before, never allow yourself to express such a comparison. Even a mature Christian finds it challenging to forget this violation of God’s perfect plan.
(d) The Fear of Losing His Erection
To a large extent, the satisfaction of intercourse depends on the husband’s ability to maintain an erection. A soft penis is unsatisfying for both partners and humiliating for the husband.
(e) The Fear of Being Unable to Ejaculate
Until he experiences his first ejaculatory dysfunction, no man imagines it could happen to him. This initial experience is so devastating that recurrent fear can create a neurosis that can render a perfectly normal man impotent.
- Ridicule
A man simply cannot tolerate ridicule and a wise woman will never subject him to it, especially regarding his masculinity, and even more so about his sexual anatomy. It’s an odd quirk of nature, but nearly every engorged penis is the same size (6 to 8 inches), regardless of the man’s build.
- Guilt
Modern psychology tends to overlook the reality of conscience in its humanistic attempt to solve human problems apart from God. This is why psychologists rarely, if ever, explain that free love and promiscuity before or during marriage can produce severe guilt that leads to impotence.
It’s well known that women often develop a strong sense of guilt after marriage due to low moral standards before marriage, reducing their ability to enjoy sexual relations after marriage. The same can happen to men…
This text is an excerpt from the book The Act of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love, written by Tim and Beverly LaHaye.
We invite you to read the following article, “The Remedy for Premature Ejaculation.”
The Powerless Man. The Powerless Man. The Powerless Man. The Powerless Man.
The Powerless Man. The Powerless Man. The Powerless Man.
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