Friendships are similar to sibling relationships, with their ups and downs. The only difference is that blood ties come into play with siblings, influencing interactions differently than in friendships.

Some friendships are forged in times of trials and difficulties. It is important to understand that there are many subtleties to consider within a friendship. Moreover, labeling a friendship as toxic requires observing a set of behaviors and actions from both parties over time, much like in other types of relationships.

It is often said, “Friendship needs maintenance.” However, as time passes, an unbridgeable gap can sometimes form. Human beings bond through affinity and shared interests, though these interests are not always apparent at first glance. Time and circumstances eventually reveal their true nature within a friendship.

According to some psychologists, friendships that end badly often had toxic elements from the very beginning—elements that were either hard to detect or deliberately ignored due to fear of rejection or emotional attachment. We are unconsciously drawn to what feels familiar because it reassures us.

For any bond to last, it needs a sense of security. Trust in friendship is like a cornerstone, much like in romantic relationships, until one person deals the fatal blow of disappointment. Some psychologists argue that excessive need for attention, lack of self-confidence, and low self-esteem are at work in friendships that turn toxic.

This generally manifests when, for example, in a long-standing friendship, one person gets married before the other, receives a promotion at work, or gains an opportunity abroad. Sometimes, the bond weakens over time as interests change and monotony sets in.

Out of fear of ending the friendship, the relationship becomes toxic and even hypocritical because one is afraid of hurting the other by speaking openly. People start avoiding each other to avoid confrontation. Habits and attitudes change drastically. Confidences become rare, as do calls and visits.

Regardless, the principle remains the same: one must learn to recognize when a friendship has become toxic, accept that there is little in common anymore, and dare to address it, despite the possible consequences.

The goal is to allow each person to move forward, free of guilt and emotional burdens. We are conditioned by a culture of silence, relying on deductions based on speculations and often erroneous assumptions, out of fear of conflict. However, in many cases, this can also bring relief. For instance, “She doesn’t call me anymore since she got her job, even though I’ve always been there for her,” or “He only reappears when he needs my help.”

The mistake lies in letting these behaviors create deep tensions when attitudes change on both sides, and no one dares to address the issue. The best course of action is to verbalize the frustration caused by the observed changes in the other person, without jumping to hasty conclusions that could worsen the situation.

Finally, it is possible to be toxic without realizing it. An overly caring person can become harmful. Toxicity does not always manifest through malicious behavior; being too intrusive, overly dependent, excessively complaining, or invasive—such behaviors eventually irritate those around us, pushing them to avoid or, in extreme cases, flee from us.

I experienced this during a difficult period in my life when I was struggling in my marriage. The negative emotions I felt impacted my relationship with my daughters. I had developed a tendency toward overprotection, gradually becoming toxic both to myself and to them. This also spilled over into my professional life—a devastating snowball effect.

This atmosphere was fueled by my inner struggles. I quickly identified what was wrong and blamed myself for years. However, I gradually climbed out of it through prayer, family support, and the encouragement, advice, and kindness of close friends and relatives.

This text is an excerpt from the book “These Relationships Which Give Birth Or Abort Our Destiny” written by  Suzanne KWEDI and Jennifer SYLAIRE.

We invite you to read the next article, “FALSE PERSONALITY.”