Speaking of crises, the dictionary defines a crisis as a sudden change in a person’s health, a sudden worsening, or the abrupt onset of a morbid condition. It is also a temporary disorder or embarrassment. In the realm of love, crises with similar characteristics also exist.

A crisis of love constitutes a sudden and unexpected change in one’s character or feelings towards another. It represents a perilous moment because there is a risk of this state worsening, but also an opportunity for renewal, a fresh start in the normal functioning of a person’s life and that of a couple.

A Perilous Moment

God is love. Man was created in the image of God, making love the greatest need of man in which he must live out God’s purposes in his life. Without love, man loses his survival resources and can exist without truly living. For the life that God gives us is essentially based on love, the foundation of all relationships. Lacking love is akin to a fish being taken out of water, its natural environment.

People talk about marriage, seek stable relationships, but forget the foundation of it all. They want to be satisfied with what does not nourish. Love is the environment in which man must naturally live. Today’s world is full of artifices, people chase after what is false; the buzz is often fabricated by lies with the sole purpose of manipulating men.

Since the fall of man in the Garden of Eden, love has been in crisis. It was with Adam that we first learned one could sing or write poems for a woman. But it is also with him that we observe the first couple’s crisis and the first contempt for a woman: “It’s the woman you gave me,” he said! As if to tell God, here is the cause of my misery; it’s the woman you created.

A thesis many men still defend today. For centuries, man has not changed, and his love continues to degrade. Things will go from bad to worse as predicted in the prophecy of the end times. But the love of God’s Elect must grow even stronger. And the best place to cultivate it is within the couple and the family. The crisis of love is a moment whose duration can range from an instant to several days, weeks, months, or even years.

At the wedding in Cana, the lack of wine lasted only a moment. However, for Hosea and his wife, it was several years. Hosea 2:10-11. Like all kinds of crises, the crisis of love is a perilous moment because it carries many risks, the outcome of which can be fatal. In May 2020, a young pastor shot and killed his wife with a firearm in a parking lot in the USA. The crisis was certainly so intense that, despite their being servants of God, they failed to take advantage of the grace of having Jesus in their lives; they did what they thought was best.

These risks are both simple and complex, both minor and major. They can be characterized by a simple misplaced word, silence, sulking, refusal of sexual relations, refusal to eat…up to homicide. I remember when we were newly married, and every time my wife and I argued, I refused to eat at home.

This situation lasted several months before I realized that not only was I harming myself (because I am not used to eating outside my home), but I was also not acting according to God’s law, but rather according to man’s law. Yet, I was a servant of God, preaching the Good Word. May God come to the aid of His servants!

Love is still in crisis when it is no longer evident in the life of a couple and family. The moment when uncertainty reigns, the moment of questioning, when one begins to reconsider their choice and commitment towards the other. A woman, married for 15 years, came to me to talk and said:

“Before my marriage, I was living with a guy who was good, but I rejected him for someone else who would become my husband. I wonder if I made the right choice! Today, he is never home, he is unfaithful while I remain faithful. He does not deserve my love.”

A moment when “I love you” is replaced by “I hate you,” “I’m crazy about you” by “I don’t care about you,” “I feel good with him and I don’t notice time passing” is replaced by “he annoys me when I see him, or his presence bores me.” Love is therefore replaced by hate, enthusiasm by regret. One even refuses to think of good memories. Anne refused to eat despite all the love her husband could offer her because of her infertility and the curses she endured from Peninnah, her rival.

The moment when a woman waits without receiving security and attention from her spouse, and the latter expects respect for his authority and tenderness from his wife, but only receives harsh words. The moment when phrases like “I think we’re not meant for each other,” or “our marriage is a failure,” or “I no longer feel anything for you,” are uttered, the moment when one thinks they will find happiness far from their home.

The moment when one loses the desire to be with their husband or wife and prefers masturbation and/or having other sexual partners. The moment when one thinks he/she is not enough, that another needs to be found. The moment when children feel unloved and rebel against their parents’ authority.

The moment when, driven by covetousness, one begins to believe that what they have is not enough and that what they lack is what will fulfill them. This justifies the relentless efforts directed outward when the solution is often within reach. May God illuminate the eyes of your spirit so that you can fully grasp your couple’s situation and remedy it.

What is the current situation of your couple? Are you going through a crisis right now? Do the following statements best correspond to your couple’s current situation? If so, the book you are holding will help you overcome these problems and have a fresh start. Here are some statements that will help you identify your situation and address it:

1. Our union is currently satisfactory, but we want to improve our love further.
2. We have never experienced true love, not even at the beginning of our marriage.
3. Honestly, I no longer love my spouse.
4. My spouse is indifferent.
5. Our marital situation is disastrous.
6. I no longer trust him/her. I feel insecure in my home.

If you are going through a similar moment, do not lose hope. Remember God’s Word which says: “Strengthen yourselves in the Lord” and “Do not be afraid,” for the rod and staff of the good shepherd are there to comfort you. The God we serve is capable of rebuilding on ruins. A fresh start is always possible. We will attempt to communicate God’s thoughts through this book, and we pray that God intervenes in every family where love is lacking…

This text is an excerpt from the book When Love is in Crisis written by Dr. Max Kudianana.

We invite you to read the following article “Measuring the Depth of the Moment of the Love Crisis“