Jesus said that no one can serve two masters (Matthew 6:24). He teaches us to place our trust entirely in God. It is He who will provide for all our needs, including our need for a spouse. Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well (Matthew 6:33). This advice applies to everyone.

I will never encourage someone to renounce marriage like the apostle Paul. The vocation to celibacy must remain an inner calling. However, unless marriage is God’s will, which is often difficult to discern, each of us should be ready to let it go (cf. Phil 3:8). When the light of Jesus breaks into our lives, we find the strength to give ourselves entirely to Him, radically; everything else finds its rightful place.

It is commonly thought that romantic relationships should remain in the private sphere. For my part, I have come to believe that engagement and marriage concern the entire Christian community, not just the couple involved. That is why, when young people in my church feel mutual attraction, I advise them to first talk to their parents and then to a pastor. From that moment on, their relationship is placed under the church’s benevolent care.

Our young people don’t see this approach as a constraint or as a way to be monitored. On the contrary, they are grateful for the opportunity to be accompanied in an area where immaturity and impurity often cause great harm.

Such an approach can only be lived out in a community governed by love and trust. It is up to each couple to discern how to apply it to their situation. Some may struggle to understand the value of seeking guidance. Others may be frightened by the idea. Yet this simple advice—to open up to trusted individuals deserves to be taken seriously.

Raymond and his fiancée Hélène met a few years ago within our church. Here is how Raymond tells their story:

Hélène and I grew up in the same church. We knew each other as teenagers, but although we weren’t indifferent to each other, we kept our feelings hidden. After high school, we moved apart. She went to university to become a teacher, and I preferred “the world.” But after a six-month volunteer mission abroad, two semesters at university on the East Coast, and a year traveling around Southern California, the recurring sense that my life was meaningless brought me to a turning point. I had to admit what I had long tried to deny: behind my party-boy facade, there was a great emptiness, a weariness. My lifestyle did nothing to satisfy my longing for fulfillment. My encounters with others, particularly with women, were at best superficial and at worst destructive.

For the first time in my life, I realized how much I needed the healing that only Christ can bring. I knew I couldn’t find it on my own and needed help from trusted people. So, I returned home to my parents. Having become certain that I wanted God at the center of my life, I committed myself to Him and became a member of my church.

At the same time, I confided to my parents and pastor the feelings I had for Hélène. They advised me to let things run their course and to wait for God’s timing: “If your relationship is in line with God’s will, it will come to pass. No one will be able to hinder it.” They also encouraged me to talk to her.

So I did. We quickly realized that something was happening between us. Neither of us dared to call it love; it was too new, too precious. But over the weeks and months, we felt a deeper bond growing between us. We spent time together, sometimes with our families, sometimes alone. We discussed matters of faith, read the Bible, prayed, or quietly sat beside each other. Later, when I had to move because of my job, we wrote to each other almost daily.

As our friendship deepened, we got to know each other better. But we learned that trust takes time. At first, it was a revelation to realize that each of us had flaws. We sometimes hurt each other, even betraying the love that was growing between us. But when we got bogged down in our shortcomings, our parents and pastors were there to help us move forward.

Of course, it wasn’t always easy to open up to someone, sometimes even embarrassing, especially when there were problems. The advice from our parents or other church members didn’t always suit us. But when we understood the great importance of having people we could confide in, we realized that our relationship was developing in a favorable environment.

Now, as our wedding approaches, we are grateful for the help of those who led us to Christ. Without them, Hélène’s and my hearts might never have found each other. In the world we live in, we are aware of the exceptional gift of having our relationship deepen without the pressures related to sex. And we know that, whatever the future holds, Christ will remain our guide.

Raymond and Hélène’s story shows how vital it is for a couple to take plenty of time to know each other deeply before committing. When two people want to marry, it is essential that they first seek what comes from God within them. There are many healthy activities available to a couple pursuing this goal: reading, hiking, visiting family, participating in a church service project together. Writing to each other is also a good way to get to know each other more deeply.

How many marriages would be saved if young couples everywhere had the humility to turn to their parents or to another married couple they trust for advice?

A healthy relationship cannot be rushed. Like a flower, it must wait for God’s time, without being forced in hopes of early blooming. For a marriage to last, it must be built on a carefully prepared foundation.

This text is an excerpt from the book “Sex, Marriage, and God” written by Johann Christoph Arnold.

We invite you to read the following article: “Approval of Same-Sex Relationships.”

A Healthy Relationship. A Healthy Relationship. A Healthy Relationship. A Healthy Relationship. A Healthy Relationship.