Almost all sexual manuals emphasize the need for an adequate period of foreplay, or love play. This is essential not only on the first night but throughout the marriage. Most men have learned that foreplay is essential for their wife’s enjoyment during sexual relations. However, they tend to minimize their own need for foreplay, as they are often fully aroused at the sight of their beloved’s naked body.

Yet, recent research has shown that it’s easier for a man to delay ejaculation after a longer period of foreplay rather than sudden arousal. Furthermore, as he learns to affectionately arouse his wife, he will reach an intense level of arousal in response, enriching his own orgasm.

The time a couple should spend on foreplay can vary based on each couple’s needs, temperament, and cultural background. However, rushing is never advisable. A modest and inexperienced bride may need thirty minutes or more to prepare for lovemaking. Once she gains more experience, the preparation time may decrease to ten or fifteen minutes, with occasional exceptions when she is particularly affectionate.

There is no universal method to encourage a woman to make love. Some women are stimulated by caresses on the breasts, while others are not. Additionally, a woman’s emotional cycle may make sexual activity enjoyable at times, but not at others. Therefore, a woman should feel free to guide her husband with verbal responses and by placing his hands where she wants to be tenderly caressed.

Generally, a considerate husband can gently massage his wife’s neck, shoulders, and breasts to excite her until blood flows to her nipples, making them firm and erect, though care should be taken not to irritate the nipples with excessive vigor. Any tender caressing and kissing on the upper body will contribute to her excitement.

Gradually, the husband should gently move his hands along his wife’s body until he comes into contact with the vulvar region, ensuring his nails are well-filed to avoid causing discomfort (which could cool her arousal suddenly).

While the husband tenderly caresses the clitoris or vaginal area with his hand, the couple will likely be lying on the bed with the woman on her back. If she spreads her legs, keeping her feet flat on the bed, and draws them towards herself, it will benefit them both. The husband finds this voluntary act of cooperation very arousing, and it makes the woman’s most sensitive areas accessible to his caressing fingers.

It is best for the husband to caress the area around the clitoris, but he should not begin foreplay there initially due to possible irritation. As the area becomes engorged with blood, it becomes the main source of the woman’s arousal and is then ready for direct stimulation.

Initially, the husband may feel the clitoris with his fingers, but his wife will undergo several physiological changes as her arousal increases. Her heart will race, her skin will become warm, and almost every part of her body will become sensitive to touch. Her breathing will quicken, her face may contort as if in pain, and she may moan audibly – all of which her husband will find very exhilarating.

The most noticeable change will occur in the vaginal area, where it will become very moist, and the labia minora will begin to swell several times their normal size, forming a hood over the clitoris, which may no longer be felt by his fingers. At this point, it usually becomes unnecessary to maintain direct contact with the clitoris, as any movement in the vaginal area will vibrate against the thick layers of the swollen hood and indirectly transmit movement to the clitoris.

This will further amplify the woman’s passion. The intensity with which the husband massages this vital area should be determined by the woman. Some prefer a slow, gentle motion, while others enjoy a more vigorous rhythm. Some women like to vary movements during lovemaking, while others may choose to adjust them depending on their mood. Most importantly, the husband should be extremely gentle and attentive to his wife’s needs at this stage.

The increasing passions and tensions in a woman at this stage can be compared to pushing a cart up a hill. As one approaches the top, the peak seems steeper, then, with a final push, the cart can be pushed over the summit.

Just as one would never stop a cart midway up the hill, a considerate husband will not halt his movements in the midst of their love play. If he does, her emotional cart will immediately roll back down, and he will have to regain the emotional momentum. This explains why many women may cool somewhat during the time it takes for a husband to withdraw his fingers from her vaginal area and position his penis, especially if he has clothing to remove.

With practice, he can learn to continue loving caresses while positioning the penis. This will help his wife continue her ascent toward an emotional peak. Once the husband gains better control, he can stimulate his wife’s clitoris with a lubricated penis. Some women will prefer this to their husband’s fingers.

Then, he gently slides it into the vagina when she is ready…

This text is an excerpt from the book The Act of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love written by Tim and Beverly LaHaye.

We invite you to read the following article, “The Dissatisfied Woman.”

THE PRELIMINARIES. THE PRELIMINARIES. THE PRELIMINARIES. THE PRELIMINARIES. THE PRELIMINARIES.