A kind person is someone who is caring, filled with goodwill towards others, not just family members. It’s a trait demonstrated by people who are very attentive to others.

An overly kind person will go a bit too far, to the point of prioritizing others’ interests before their own, often to their disadvantage and repeatedly. In popular jargon, they are referred to as “yes-people, doormats, people pleasers,” etc.

The tragedy with this kind of person is that many take advantage of them, crush them, and walk all over them, sometimes mercilessly. These individuals are easy prey for narcissistic abusers and mentally unstable people.

Overly kind people let themselves be trampled on for what they believe are good reasons: they avoid problems, they fear reprisals or the consequences of disagreements, contradictions, or endless disputes that would bring even more trouble.

Most people consider them fake, dishonest with themselves and others, because they say yes outwardly to please others but deep down, they think otherwise. People referred to as “yes-people” generally had overly strict parents who constantly broke them down, suppressing any attempts at self-assertion, contradiction, independence, or uniqueness.

These are people who apologize all the time, even when they’ve done nothing wrong, just to protect themselves. They learned this from childhood: “Yes, Dad; okay, Dad; I’m sorry, Mom; I’ll do what you want, Dad.” Like a parrot taught to sing a song. At some point, this attitude can turn them into a true sieve, taking all the blows without a filter, or into a toxic personality that makes others pay for all the frustrations they have endured. It’s important for us to realize the seriousness of the problem and its negative impact on us and our relationships with others.

We must engage in a progressive—not brutal, but gradual—process of healing. When it becomes chronic, it is beneficial to seek support to overcome it and develop real skills to protect oneself and break free from toxic relationships.

The more we work on ourselves, the greater the chances of living fulfilling relationships. You will know you have healed, that you have become a balanced person when:

• You learn to say no without feeling guilty;
• You love yourself, demand respect, and assert your choices and boundaries without aggression but with firmness;
• You respect others’ choices without forgetting to respect yourself as well;
• You no longer fear disappointing others when you make yourself a priority;
• You stop sacrificing yourself indiscriminately for others;
• You are aligned and true to yourself: your yes means yes, your no means no;
• You progressively do things that scare you, building more confidence in your ability to become an empathetic and balanced person.

III. Why Many People Struggle to Leave Toxic Relationships.

As human beings, we have certain instincts, and these tell us that when facing a perceived threat, there are two responses: flight or fight. In the case of a toxic relationship, the reaction is often much more complex. The major obstacle in a toxic relationship is denial.

The bond that has been created is paradoxically punctuated by moments of calm and episodes of suffering. The relationship occupies the victim’s thoughts obsessively, yet they do not understand what is happening to them.

The habituation to suffering means that even when the victim becomes aware that the relationship is toxic, they will deny to their entourage—sometimes witnesses to the suffering’s impact—that they are in a destructive relationship. This situation can be better understood through the following illustration…

This text is an excerpt from the book “These Relationships That Give Birth or Abort Our Destiny“ written by Suzanne KWEDI and Jennifer SYLAIRE.

We invite you to read the next article: “TOXIC FRIENDSHIPS”.