An African wise man once said that spilled water cannot be gathered again. The same goes for harsh words — once spoken, they act like arrows shot at your partner. Therefore, never say things like the following to your husband or wife:

• “I’m going to slap you!”
• “I’m going to file for divorce!”
• “You pig!”
• “You’re a hopeless case!”
• “You’re useless in this house!”
• “My parents warned me not to marry you!”
• “I regret marrying you!”
• “Go to hell!”
• “Why can’t you be like Mr. X or Mrs. Y; at least he/she knows how to treat a woman/man!”
• “I hate you!”
• “You’re ugly, you bewitched me — my friends warned me!”
• “This marriage won’t last!”
• “We’re not meant for each other!”
• “I’m going to pack my bags and leave!”

In addition, for healthy communication, you must:

• Avoid yelling just to gain the upper hand,
• Avoid insulting your partner (insults must be completely avoided regardless of your partner’s behavior),
• Avoid speaking just to have the last word,
• Avoid bursting into tears to weaken the other person and escape a discussion when it’s not going your way (this technique is one of women’s favorite weapons),
• Avoid speaking without truly listening to the other person’s point of view,
• Avoid engaging in the “cold war” — withdrawing into silence to avoid communicating with your partner. This is the strategy of the “gadis” (a slang term for young women in Côte d’Ivoire) to escape discussion and avoid giving explanations,
• Avoid bringing up old issues or past quarrels that have already been resolved and put behind you.

This text is an excerpt from the book “MYDUMAR: The Mystery of Marriage“, written by Rev. Blaise KANGA.

We invite you to read the following article: “PHYSICAL TOUCH.”

YOUR PARTNER