One of the things that certainly annoys you, dear wife, is when your husband tends to barricade himself behind the thick walls of his fortress. Especially when a conflict situation arises that requires (in your opinion) lively and frank communication. Know that the vast majority of husbands will react in this way. If you approach him with reproaches, criticisms, demands for explanation, all in a high tone, your husband will take flight to wall himself in his silence.

Once again, know that instinctively, he does not do this against you but to protect you. What you may not realize is that in such a conflictual situation, during your exchanges of words, your husband’s heart rate accelerates much faster than yours. For you, it’s a beneficial moment that contributes to (re)connecting with your husband’s heart to strengthen your love. Your heart rate remains steady.

But for your husband, this exchange is a real inner rodeo that undermines his emotions and his heart rate speeds up. Not knowing how to control what he feels, he still wants to avoid reacting badly in words or actions. So, he chooses to remain silent and not speak anymore. It’s his way of calming down and regaining control over the inner whirlwind. And as this whirlwind is provoked by the flow of your words, he feels the need to distance himself from it. You perceive it as a lack of love or indifference, but he does this to find himself again… and to protect you.

Dear wife, you have a faculty to deal with your emotions that is faster and more effective compared to your husband. He needs more time and calm to manage his emotions. Your husband has learned to be a “man”. He hasn’t necessarily learned to be a husband. That is, a man who is bound to a woman, this entirely relational being who needs to communicate and fully express his emotions.

That is why you must choose your words, tone, and timing extremely carefully if you want your communication to be productive and effective…

This text is an excerpt from the book “Love it and Respect it” written by Teddy NGBANDA.

We invite you to read the following article “CREATE A BREACH IN HIS WALL“.