The famous author and speaker Dale Carnegie wrote an excellent book in which he practically explains what we need to do to maintain very good relationships with all the people we interact with. The author believes that to succeed in relationships with others, we must do everything possible to meet their psychological needs. According to the author, the common psychological need of all human beings is the need to feel valued.

If we make it a habit to take actions that make others feel valued, we will always be at peace with them and will, in return, receive their friendship and unconditional support. Among the things the author recommends to do to value others:

• Letting others monopolize the conversation while we actively listen with great interest;
• Choosing conversation topics based on what interests others instead of what interests us;
• Making every effort to remember the names of others and those dear to them;
• Giving to others without expecting anything in return;
• Serving others without expecting anything in return (from “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie);
• Regularly giving sincere compliments to others;
• Always being smiling and in a good mood in the presence of others.

Once I finished reading Dale Carnegie’s book, I resolved to put his teachings into practice because they exactly match the message of love and humility found in the Holy Scriptures. I thus began to value others much more by submitting to them to serve them instead of using them to serve myself. I started to put my own interests aside to preserve theirs. I began to step back so that they alone would be seen and recognized.

In other words, I began to accept losing so that others could win. I want you to know that since I accepted to lose so that others could win, I experience daily levels of grace and divine favor never known or experienced before. Not only am I filled with joy and divine peace, but everything I undertake is crowned with success.

Many people have a lot of trouble maintaining healthy relationships with others, whether it’s with their neighbors, colleagues, clients, suppliers, or even their natural and spiritual family members. When you ask them why their relationships are not harmonious, they are all tempted to point fingers at others. They blame others for not meeting their expectations. This is how many relationships deteriorate because we expect from others:

• That they help us;
• That they serve us;
• That they listen to us;
• That they understand us;
• That they encourage and support us;
• That they adhere to our vision, ideas, and aspirations;
• That they remain loyal to us;
• Etc.

This category of people somehow expects others to accept losing in their favor. They believe that if they are the only ones who have to make sacrifices in a relationship, it would mean they are being exploited, and therefore they insist that everyone does their part in the relationship. This way of seeing things is quite commendable and makes a lot of sense, I concede.

Most of us are products of this kind of education. However, we must recognize that this vision of relationships with others neither guarantees peace nor joy and happiness in our relationships. We also notice that more and more people prefer to be alone rather than have friends, due to negative experiences. Among those who continue to believe in relationships with others, many spend time complaining or speaking ill of those who are supposed to be their friends.

Where relationships with others were supposed to be a source of happiness and fulfillment, we find betrayals, hypocrisy, pettiness, disappointments, and many other similar things among friends. The crisis in relationships as exposed above results from the lack of obedience to the biblical principles that govern relationships with others.

Contrary to the education most of us received, divine education wants each person to engage in a relationship to lose, not to win. It is by accepting to lose that we win. This is in the sense that Jesus taught us that the greatest in a relationship is the servant of all.

“The greatest among you will be your servant.” Matthew 23:11

In his epistle to the Corinthians, the apostle Paul exhorts Christians to accept to endure certain injustices and willingly let themselves be deprived.

“To have lawsuits at all with one another is already a defeat for you.” 1 Corinthians 6:7

Why not suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded? In other words, the apostle Paul recommends that Christians accept losing and let God make them win. In the Gospels, Jesus recommends going much further than accepting to lose. He asks us to turn the other cheek when we are slapped on the left, and to give our tunic to the one who takes our coat.

“If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. If anyone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them.” Luke 6:29

Jesus also commands us to do good to those who persecute and harm us.

“But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Matthew 5:44

Contrary to the education many of us received, God has provided a more excellent education that guarantees the success of our relationships with others…

This text is an excerpt from the book “ACCEPT TO LOSE TO SUCCEED BETTER” by Dominique MBOG.

We invite you to read the following article “Accept To Loss And Productivity.”